Sometimes my heart goes so fast.
But I do not move.
I sit in front of a machine
I am a machine. My body is dead.
The last time I woke up traumatised for I dreamed of eating my finger, my dead finger.
What this means.
The east is the widest and fairest country of the world seen from where I am.
So I never know the truth and I will never be able to see.
Once in a trip to a small village with tomatoes and Polish cheese there was this river.
It was flat and it must have been a place for cows to drink and women to wash.
I simply crossed it naked.
There I stood on the other side and looked back.
And there was she and she smiled:
„So how does it all look from the other side?
You’ll never know till you got there.“
Amelie has never been a very serious person in these things.
The hill where I live now is completely round.
It actually has no earth below.
It’s a planet in the sky and a small ladder leads up to it
And we would all arrive there in cars
Because in Italy nearly all people drive in cars except ecologists of course.
So on the north side of the planet lies Monte Morello
And behind Monte Morello lies Switzerland
And behind Switzerland somewhere Europe
And behind this,
Electrelane has a video on all this but its rather Kitsch, and of course most problematic, like everything.
Behind me the East, invisible hidden behind the wall.
So I would never get melancholic again, would I?
But invisible in me lies Germany, I carry it everywhere and even if I don’t see this I am seen to represent it.
Because of the way I act and the way I look and for my name and my accent.
And I just wanted to drink coffee,
again and again, till my skin smells like woken up, completely
and the sun is so shiny and there is absolutely no still moment,
just the dog.
And the tobacco.
Of course, you cannot complain. And no place is perfect.
Are you old or young? Who knows.
In the end, I just decided to stop working and go into the forest.
It smells very good and from there I can see the blue sky across the mountain.