Trying to slow life

Prishtina-Tirana (not yet)

Coming back from Prishtina after a three-day training over the European concepts I had to cover another sleepless night-trip with junk food and rational thoughts. A 12-hour trip by bus on uncomfortable roads sometimes can be a non-stop self-finding, a voiceless conversation where you pretend to sleep as to avoid others’ interventions  toward your mental escapology. You even use random soundscapes thanks to CD-players to provoke such an everlasting free-mind seeking as to keep the others away. But everyone chooses his own way of spending this long night. I do the same.  And I relinquish all my fears, pressures and duties. As if I disappear…

The third stop: Between normality and fantasy

The bus needs to stop again. People are people.  There’s a small bar outside but nothing more than that. Everything else is dark and invisible. But everything else exists beyond this darkness and lack of visibility. We order some Turkish coffee only cause we can’t stay in the bar without ordering and I keep on trying to smoke a victimized cigarette that’s been sweating through my fingers for hours. A bus stop can be a break to come at the everyday non-stop life and yet it can be a try to last as long as possible the suspense of the ordinary life! In the wildest mountains of Albania you seek the most immaculate thoughts unveiled from feelings and  in the mean time you are deactivating the neurons as if trying to lose constrained edges of society norms and system which compresses the human being. A psychosis that is literary well-described in the Process of Kafka. But I decide to become a Merso, infinite like the la mere and eternal like the le soleil…I let them kill me without fear and guilt so I can gain the Karma within me…

An endless illusion, made of books at the National Library Praha.
Picture by Denis Qylafku

The non-stop stop: Politics of life

Sometimes we take breaks, as life is non-stop, as we get tired easily. However, we should not forget that it is a short sequence of non-stop. We need to gain those forces that nature once empowered us to use. Today diversity has grown in society. There’s a lack of uniformity and this gets confusing every time you make a choice. An inability to distinguish identity from the rest of the system. We try to get reflections from the light of society like the stars from the sun. We imitate, we act instinctually as though we are kind of Darwinists trying to find the roots from monkeys. Everything is a choice, good or bad, wrong or right but imposition it’s not a matter of choice. Moreover, this is the paradox…our own choice to be slaves…to be dependent.

And I believe that commercialism can produce values in itself only if we know art well enough. The problem with our stereotypes is that in them we loose what once was won. Freedom of mind. We think only of the freedom of speaking and we forget the freedom of mind. We waste time with Descartes existence proof when life is moving on at each second of our breath. Descartes has made his revelation already, what are we waiting for? Surgite mortui! As life is more precious than those stupid life politics we make for our own welfare. We could manage to live even with a fig leaf instead of clothes if we only knew how to handle this situation. But we prepare a life of selfishness and self-concentration where relationship is a formal thing in society. And I wonder why films are made about a world with robots? Because we are their inspiration.

Prishtina-Tirana (nearly): Second-hand made thoughts

Another stop, maybe the last, I can’t remember how many we’ve had until now but this one will be a long one. I have to think of something so I decide to step out off the bus and have a little unloading and then to stay on the side of the road and stop thinking as if it could last eternally, a peaceful pleasure that would change my face. I watch, but I’m passive, there’s no interaction. Time unifies with space and distinction between them begins when confusion ends. I sense with no intermission the peace that I just found at my uni, which was often damaged by wrong choices I have taken. And after the bus gives the signal for his way back home I go in and choose to sleep instead of waiting for the ordinary life to come naturally.

I want it to impress me and in this way I don’t find any similarities with it. It is still night and in few hours I will find Tirana with light. By stopping many times we make this trip longer ever. It reminds me of a Norwegian  early 50’s horror movie where a guy asks a lady if she ever felt how a minute can last forever. The answer to his own question would be to focus her eyes to the clock and listen to the “ever-lasting” 60 seconds on a tic-tac, tic-tac, tic-tac… sound. And this part of the movie makes me realize how those impatient seconds keep on replacing each other at a heartbeat. They’re so numerous and life walks on… Our senescence is unstoppable, but I’m headstrong. I try to last this trip virtually while Tirana comes closer. That’s all it has remained to do.

As illusionists we often illuse our own perceptions. We become a unity of body and mind and live endlessly in our provisional lifetime.  We slow and fasten our lives as if it belongs to us!


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