sexist jokes – task of the month

We let girls make special Plotki editions these days. Next we’ll give them the vote. Last month’s TASK OF THE MONTH was a call for you good people to send in all of your sexist jokes. We received pages of them. So then we decided to discard all the ones sent in by men. So this is a woman dominated task of the month: if women take over, this is what the world will look like…..

Thanks for all you beautiful contributions.

The man in me will do nearly any task,
And as for compensation, there’s little he would ask.
Take a woman like you
To get through to the man in me.
– Bob Dylan

FEMINISTA

One day on the golf course a foursome was ready to tee off when a funeral procession was seen approaching. One member of the foursome took his hat off and bowed his head as the cars and hearse drove by. Another of the golfers said to him, “Well, that was very nice and respectful of you to do that.” “Well,” he replied, “I was married to her for twenty years.”

FEMINISTA

What do you call an intelligent woman in Berlin?
A tourist.

FEMINISTA

I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.

FEMINISTA

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, “I’m a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional.”
The second guy responded, “I’m a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids.”
They then asked the woman, “What are you?”
She replied: “I’m a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.”

FEMINISTA

Why did the feminist cross the road?
To suck on my cock.

FEMINISTA

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, “Eva, pack your things! I’ve just won the lottery!” Eva replies, “Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?” The man responds, “I don’t care. Just pack your stuff and fuck off!”

FEMINISTA

Husband: Put your coat on love, I’m going to the pub.
Nicole: Are you taking me out for a drink?
Husband: Don’t be silly woman, I’m turning the heating off.

FEMINISTA

A woman is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop are charging are very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. “Well, I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for 50 Euros,” the clerk says. “50 Euros?” the woman replies. “That seems terribly expensive for a frog.”

“Well, this frog is worth it. It’s been trained to give blow jobs.”

The woman is stunned, but because her husband loves this sort of sex, and because she is not particularly fond of it, she decides the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value. The husband is sceptical, but promises he’ll give the frog a try that night. The woman goes to sleep happily knowing she won’t be bothered by her husband that night.

She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling out pots and pans and poring over cookbooks.

“What are you two doing down here?” she asks. Her husband responds, “If I can teach this frog to cook, you’re out of here!”

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